This is a prayer to be able to fully give all of this to you, Lord.
Interacting with J…well, sometimes it’s fine. While L is around we can separate whatever may be going on from his time to spend with the other parent. Other times it’s like walking on eggshells. Right now I feel like I’m walking on eggshells. Between what happened on the trip back this weekend, him being upset that I refer to L’s trips to see him as visits and with him debating mine and the Office of Child Support (OCS) records. Well, the trip back this weekend is my issue as he does not recognize that what happened should not have. I’m not sure he ever will, Lord and if the situation is reversed I pray that I do as you would want me to do and not what I really want to do (unless it’s your will). I ask for peace when interacting with J. To know that I am doing as You want me to do and not feel the need to questions every word and every action. To break free from this response that is a result of the marriage.
As for calling the trips visits…he’s hurt? HE is hurt? Does he still not realize that he chose to walk away from his family, especially his child and move across the country? I have forgiven him for leaving me as I see that as a blessing, but You and I are still working on helping me forgive him for leaving L. And moving so far from his child. And nothing is fair to him (J). Really? Lord, I ask for you to soften his heart, for him to accept what has happened, the decisions he has made and turn to you for forgiveness and repentance. I know that only You can help him. You are the only one who has ever been able to help him. Please let him stop running from You and run to You. I pray these same things for Z as well.
Then he continues to argue with OCS and me about our records for what he is behind on paying. I do sympathize some because it has been a confusing process and the payment he missed (that he insists he made) was when he relocated and started his new job. Right now I am confused by the answer that OCS has provided. Lord, I know that things will work out according to Your plan. Please help me to respond properly as you want me to respond (or not respond). Please help J pull up all of his paperwork (keeping paperwork was always a weakness of his) and figure out what is going on. Please let all of us resolve this issue peaceably.
Lord, I trust that everything will work out according to your will. Help me to be gracious during this whole process as J is upset. He is definitely upset and blaming me. I have no control over what is taken out of his checks. I just keep records of what is owed and what is received. I know, Lord. He needs someone to blame. I realize that. I ask for peace in knowing that whatever I say or do will is according to Your plan and it is how You want me to respond. Please let there be no question if I am following you, Lord.